“So, are you looking for a boyfriend?”
and I catch myself semi-furiously backpeddling for some as of yet unknown reason…
“Ummmmm…actually, I don’t know. Maybe, but probably not. Maybe I am just looking for friends.”
He returns sharply (or that is how I perceive his text to read)
“Well then, why would you put a profile on POF?”
Hmmmmm….good question.
I answer something like, “You know, I’ve never actually tried the friends first approach, so maybe that is the one that actually works.”
And then we are off chatting about something else for a while.
But I find myself become more and more uncomfortable.
And ask myself “why?”
And, resorting back to old, patterned behavior, tell myself to shut up.
Until today. When during my meditation I realize that even from the little bit I’ve been able to gather from just our short chat and phone call…although this guy is probably a really, really nice guy and absolutely perfect for someone, he’s more than likely not the guy for me.
And the reason is: although he says he would respect my interests….he’s just not into the same things.
And
That is quite allright. He doesn’t have to be.
And
I also know that
I can’t go through that again. Having a relationship in which my partner and I are not on the same page. Where we don’t connect up on every level from root to crown. It’s not that we have to be joined at the hip. Yuck. I wouldn’t ever want that. But to resonate with each other in every way possible. Sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. To be able to actually communicate. To enjoy communicating! To enjoy sharing passionate pursuits as well as cheering on each other’s individual causes. To support each other…be proud of each other…challenge and respect each other.
All of that.
No less.
So, although I am really narrowing the field, good for me.
For this time I am not settling for anything less that what I want.
What I need.
What I deserve.
And neither should he.
That would not serve either of us very well….now, would it?
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Wow Joy! Good for you… that’s some very profound self searching. You deserve exactly what you’re looking for.
Hi Joy, Great post. I’ve been going through the same thing myself. I think the more you know yourself, the clearer it is when someone else isn’t going to fit you. When I was less “tuned in” pretty much I was one size fits all, I didn’t have a huge need to get clear about what I wanted, if they wanted me, great! Consider it a gift, your inner knowing is tuned in and giving you great feedback about the men you are meeting. Trust yourself and great things will come. Good luck! Susan